


Viewpoints

by jeejaschocolate



Series: Change-Up [4]
Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Character Study, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Not a lot of sex (for once), Past Child Abuse, Romance, cameos from all of STARISH and Quartet Night, some drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 03:51:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5569930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeejaschocolate/pseuds/jeejaschocolate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Last part) Natsuki goes through something especially difficult for him. This time, Ranmaru helps him work through it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Viewpoints

**Author's Note:**

> As the tags say, not a lot of sex for once! This is mostly a romantic one, tying up the loose ends brought up in the last stories. Namely, Natsuki's disorder and their feelings for each other. Kind of angst-y and schmoopy, all the good things we turn to fanfiction for!
> 
> Watch for the elusions to past child abuse (very nonspecific, on purpose).

Ranmaru stood in the kitchen of his vacation home. He was not really on vacation, after all, he was on location for a photo shoot for some sports drink advertisement. All the same, Saotome had provided a nice condo for him to stay in while he was away. If nothing else, he had to hand it to the company for not being stingy in the least with what they spent on their idols.

Especially when their accommodations made it easier for him and Natsuki to spend time together. Natsuki was enjoying this vacation home right along with him, working on a composition for a new commercial.

Ranmaru stood at the counter carefully chopping fruit. He told himself he was just making breakfast like it was any other day. He had decided on his own to make fruit salad and butter crepes, Natuki’s favorite breakfast. Couldn’t a man make breakfast any way he wanted, after all?

The silver-haired man told himself that he was not doing this because it was their one year anniversary. No way in hell. Ranmaru was not the kind of guy to mark anniversaries and celebrate with something special. He had not said a word to Natsuki about it and he did not plan to. More than likely, Natsuki himself probably had no idea what day it was, with how spaced out he was most of the time…

Suddenly, Ranmaru felt arms wrap around his waist. He flinched briefly before his lover’s freshly washed scent came to him. He recognized the feel of this man, the sight of those long delicate fingers wrapped around his stomach. He stopped cutting to enjoy his lover’s familiar warmth.

Ranmaru smirked as Natsuki held him and kissed him from behind. The younger man was especially attentive today, kissing all the sensitive spots on Ranmaru’s face and neck, curling his hand mischievously around Ranmaru’s hardening groin…

“You’re up early,” Ranmaru remarked, tilting his face to kiss Natsuki’s lips sweetly.

Natsuki giggled. “So are you,” he answered, squeezing harder on Ranmaru’s cock.

Even though they had been together a year, Ranmaru found that he was still just as attracted to Natsuki as he had been the first time they were together—back then when they were fucking in practice rooms. The slightest look or touch from Natsuki still got him rock hard in seconds. Ranmaru still spent his free time thinking about Natsuki, what he was doing, how he was feeling, craving touch from him. Their time together, the older man was still unable to keep his hands to himself. 

Deep down, Ranmaru knew…well. He just knew. No reason to give words to it.

Natsuki leaned in to whisper in Ranmaru’s ear, “Happy anniversary!”

Ranmaru pulled away, legitimately surprised. “What? You…knew about that?”

This time, the younger man laughed fully. His kind, bespectacled face was shining with mirth and happiness. Ranmaru unconsciously softened at that comforting expression. 

“Of course I knew, Ran-chan. How could I not? We’ve been together a year to the day!” He pecked Ranmaru on the cheek. “You don’t think I would just forget, do you?”

Ranmaru said nothing. He picked up his knife to continue chopping. 

“Oh!” Natsuki exclaimed. “You’re making breakfast? I thought I would whip something up fast but…I guess I can make us a cake for later!” 

“I’ll…handle all that.” Ranmaru said firmly. He had been down that road with Natsuki’s cooking. Better to put on the brakes as fast as he could.

“Whatever you say, Ran-chan,” Natsuki answered, wandering off for a moment. He returned in a few moments with a wrapped package in his hand (Piyo-piyo patterned paper, of course). “I got you something! An anniversary gift!” 

Ranmaru turned around. He wanted to say no, that he did not want to do the whole exchanging gifts thing, but Natsuki looked so happy he had to take the present. 

“If this is a locket with a our pictures in it, let me just tell you, there’s no way in hell I’m wearing it,” Ranmaru affirmed, stoically unwrapping the package.

Laughing briefly, Natsuki replied, “Oh, it’s not. Don’t worry. By the way, is that…butter crepes and fruit salad you’re making? My favorite!” Natsuki pecked him on the cheek again. “You’re so thoughtful, Ran-chan!”

Ranmaru blushed and looked away. “This was what we had around so…” he mumbled. 

Natsuki did not dim in the slightest. In fact, the younger man seemed to smile even brighter as he heard that.

Tossing the wrapping paper on the ground, Ranmaru inspected his gift. It looked like a blank CD in an unmarked case.

“Is this…a song you wrote?” he asked curiously. 

“Nope!” Natsuki said, shaking his head. “It’s a DVD actually. Try again!”

“Is it a photo album of us or something?” Ranmaru asked, truly intrigued now. He would have been happy with a song, in truth, even if he would have had to find something wrong with it on principle…

“Close! It’s a video of us. From last month.”

Ranmaru frowned. “Last month?” Then, dawning spread over his face. “Oh, you mean last month when we…?”

“Yup!” Natsuki wrapped his arms around Ranmaru’s neck seductively.

Blushing furiously now, Ranmaru yelled back at his lover, “What the hell?! I didn’t know you were filming that, you perv!”

“I just wanted it to be a surprise!” Natsuki appeared completely undaunted.

For a moment, the two of them stood in silence. Ranmaru turned the DVD over in his hands a few times.

“…Want to watch it?” 

“Yes!”

Ranmaru turned the stove off as the two of them ran upstairs. Breakfast could wait. They needed to properly celebrate their anniversary first.

____________________________________________________________________

 

Natsuki sat on his bunkbed reading through letters. Syo sat below him, Ai was across the room listening to headphones plugged into his laptop. 

Looking out at the window nostalgically, Natsuki thought to himself. Spring was here again. Just as lovely as last year. Although, so much had changed for him in that time it was hard to even describe…

The blonde stroked the sheets of his bed, remembering Ranmaru and smiling. They had had sex here once, when Ai and Syo were out. Natsuki remembered how Ranmaru pressed his face into a pillow to keep himself quiet, while Natsuki fucked him and whispered endearing things to him. 

So many memories. Natsuki could look at his life now, look at the man he was sharing it with, and say honestly that he was happier than ever. 

“Yo, Ai! That music is a little loud, don’t you think? I can hear it from here!” Syo tried. 

Natsuki smiled and began looking through letters again. Honestly, he was surprised with himself at being able to keep the relationship a secret for over a year. The only one to figure it out so far was Nanami, and that was only because she stumbled on them making out one day when they thought they were alone. But Nanami, it turned out, was great at keeping secrets! Natsuki would always adore her for that—among other things.

As he sifted through the pile of mail on his bed, (Natsuki got quite a lot of fanmail these days, as well as requests by letter for a number of things—the price of idol-hood it seemed), Natsuki caught sight of a blue tinted envelope. The font and formatting of the return address looked familiar. 

“This must be the letter about the song I wrote for that commercial!” Natsuki said, recognizing the name of the company.

Weird, though, that they would decide to send a response by mail instead of calling or emailing. Usually that could only mean…

Natsuki scrambled to open the letter. He read through the words quickly.

_Dear Shinomiya-san, we regret to inform you that your piece has not been selected for a feature in our advertisement…_

…Oh. Right. That’s usually what it meant.

Natsuki sighed and put the letter down. Disappointment washed through him as he felt the sting of rejection. He had worked especially hard on that song, incorporating the little bits he learned from school along with the natural flow of music that existed within him… He thought it would have been good enough. 

But apparently not. He sighed deeply, feeling tears well up behind his eyes. He really should not be crying, this was the business after all, rejections and offers were part of the job. But still…his music was especially important to him. On a personal level. More so than his acting or his appearance.

“Shinomiya-san,” Ai said abruptly, removing the headphones from his ears and turning to face his roommate. “Listen to this song.” 

Startled, Natsuki gave a cursory wipe to his eyes and hopped off the bunk bed. Ai was watching a streaming site on his laptop. It looked like some sort of advertisement built into a video. A new luxury fragrance ad…

And then…

Natsuki heard the music in the background of the commercial. It was clearly, unmistakably, the same piece he had written. In fact, now he remembered, the company he worked with sold this type of fragrance…

So they had used his song. But they did not credit him at all. They…stole it?

“This is the piece you wrote, correct?” Ai asked, looking up at his roommate coldly. “You showed me the sheet music. I calculate that the song you wrote and the song in this commercial are 98% similar.”

“What?” Syo asked, walking over to his roommates. “You mean, they used your song? Did you get credit for it?”

Silently, Natsuki handed Syo his rejection letter.

“The fuck?” Syo said angrily, gripping the paper tightly in his hand. “This says they rejected you…? So that means…?”

“An imperfect copy,” Ai finished. “To protect them from any copyright infringement.” The android sighed. “Next time, you should be sure to sign a nondisclosure agreement before you give them any music of yours. This will protect you from any theft of your intellectual property…”

“Sorry.” Natsuki pushed up his glasses and looked to side. “Excuse me for a sec, guys. I just…need to be alone right now.”

With that, Natsuki walked out of the room. He closed the door behind him with a quiet click.

“This is…probably bad.” Syo looked at Ai nervously.

____________________________________________________________

 

It was surprisingly cold for a spring night. 

Natsuki stood on the roof of the academy, a place only accessible by walking through the attic. It was as close to a private place as he could get. 

The wind whipped around him, hitting directly against his skin. Natsuki had not been back to his room since that afternoon. Goosebumps ran along his cold, tight flesh, but Natsuki barely even noticed.

Inside his head, Natsuki could hear many different voices and words.

_“You can have anything you want. Play for me, Natsuki-kun…”_

The blonde shook his head hard, trying to forget that. He remembered her. Of course he did. The woman…she was his teacher at the time…

_“Play for me, Natsuki-kun. Look what I got for you!”_

“No…” Natsuki whispered against the wind. He did not want to remember. 

But then, she had done the same thing. She had stolen his music. She had used him…for all kinds of things. 

_“Don’t you like it, Natsuki-kun?”_

“No! I don’t…” Natsuki held his hands against his ears as if it would help to stop the noise. Realizing the futility of what he was doing, he dropped his hands and stared helplessly into the night.

“Please…” he said. “I don’t want this…”

Natsuki felt a presence; a strong, hot presence, pushing against the backs of his eyes. It did not speak, it was not really there, but Natsuki knew what it wanted.

“I know you’re there…” he said to it. “You’ve always been there. I need your help now. Please?”

The presence growled. Natsuki could feel it growling—the sound was coming from his own mouth.

With that, Natsuki gave in to the pressure and let himself be enveloped in that stifling heat. It clouded his vision until he could barely see. His vision was so distorted now… so he took off his glasses.

________________________________________________________________ 

 

Ranmaru had focused his entire energy on the tape he was listening to in the recording booth. It was Quartet Night’s latest song. They had recorded it yesterday together. None of them were particularly satisfied with it though. Ranmaru and Camus had been puzzling over the recording together all morning. There was still something off about the way the vocals meshed with the harmony…like they were not doing enough justice to Haruka’s music…

“RanRan! MyuMyu!”

Suddenly, Camus and Ranmaru heard their bandmate calling them. They looked up confusedly.

Reiji burst into the room. His face had a look of panic. “RanRan…MyuMyu…” he panted.

“The hell, Reiji?” Ranmaru said, very irritated. “We were focused in here!”

“Listen!” Reiji shouted. Camus and Ranmaru were both effectively silenced at that. Reiji rarely ever took things seriously enough to yell. “It’s Natsuki-kun…Shinomiya, I mean…”

In seconds, Ranmaru’s blood ran cold. He felt his veins fill with ice. He realized, as an afterthought, that he was now standing.

“What happened?” the silver-haired man demanded.

“I don’t know!” Reiji exclaimed. “Natsuki just went crazy all of a sudden! Ai found him this morning trying to burn his viola. He had a bag with him, full of matches and stuff, like he was going to go burn down something big…”

“Why in the world would he—” Camus began. 

Ranmaru cut him off. “Where is he now?”

“He’s outside, by the garden. The rest of STARISH is there now, trying to calm him down. I’ve never seen Natsuki like this, his eyes are crazy, he’s being really violent…”

Camus sighed. “Well, obviously he’s had a nervous breakdown and we need to call the police—”

“No! Stop. Wait, don’t do anything. Just let me see him first.” Ranmaru blurted out the words as he pushed past Reiji on his way to gardens.

As he ran, the older man’s stomach dropped until he felt like he might throw up. Natsuki had a breakdown…would he ever be alright again? Had Satsuki hurt anyone? For fuck’s sake he hoped not… Ranmaru had never prayed before in his life (except once, he had prayed one time, but he tried to pretend like it had never happened), but now he had no choice. He prayed to anything that Natsuki would be able to come back from this. To come back to him.

When Ranmaru arrived on the scene, he was met with the sight of STARISH standing in a circle around a figure dressed in a ripped shirt. There were sounds of growling, of shouting from various voices. 

“Natsuki, snap out of it! It’s us!” Syo tried.

“Satsuki, please, stop this!” Haruka called.

“Don’t get too close to him, Nanami…” Cecil warned.

As Ranmaru got closer, Ai blocked his path. He looked at his bandmate with deadly serious eyes. “Two personalities…” the android began.

“Shut up!” Ranmaru cried, pushing Ai aside (perhaps too forcefully). He had no time for obvious crap!

Finally, Ranmaru could make out what was going on. Satsuki was throwing punches at whoever came within three feet of him. His green eyes looked downright disturbed as he growled and yelled at people to stay away from him. Ranmaru had seen Satsuki many times, in all different ways, but he had never seen him like this. So…upset. 

What the hell caused this?

There was no other choice. Forgetting everything, all that they had tried to keep secret, the whole facade of their ‘strictly friends’ relationship, Ranmaru called out to him, “Satsuki!”

Everyone stopped for a second. Satsuki whipped his head around to face him. Undaunted, Ranmaru walked towards the center where Satsuki stood.

“What are you doing, Ranmaru?” Ren asked, putting a hand on his shoulder in concern. 

“Stop.” Ranmaru pushed his hand down. “Just get away from here.”

No one moved. Instead, they all stood dumbstruck as Ranmaru walked right up to Satsuki, staring him dead in the face. 

About three feet was as close as Ranmaru would try. This close, he could see that Satsuki had been up at least all night, dark circles spread under his wide eyes. His shirt was ripped, his knuckles were bruised. Broken glasses lay at his feet. This was the craziest he had ever seen his lover. As much as he was honestly a little afraid of him in that moment, any fear he felt was overshadowed by the severe need he felt to calm Satsuki, to take care of him…

“Satsuki, you need to stop.” Ranmaru stood with his arms at his side, not raising them defensively or showing any kind of offense in his posture. 

“Not this time, Ranmaru,” Satsuki answered. “I need to do this!” His fists clenched at his sides.

“Do what? Burn some shit down? Punch out all your friends? Why?” Ranmaru felt anger laced with pain at seeing Satsuki in such a state—in front of everyone, no less.

“Because!” Satsuki yelled. “They need to pay! They used me…just like…”

A voice piped up from the sidelines. Cecil’s. “Who used you?” he asked.

“Shut up!” Satsuki yelled, leaning forward to assault his bandmate. 

Ranmaru stood in the way. He caught Satsuki by the shoulders and held him in place. His face was calm, but inside Ranmaru’s heart was beating faster than ever. He really did not want Satsuki to punch anyone while he was around.

“It doesn’t matter who used you, Satsuki. You can’t do this. Just stop already and tell me how we can—”

“Let go of me, you brat!” Satsuki roared. He pushed Ranmaru firmly. Fortunately, Ranmaru was ready for it, and he stepped backward to balance himself. He held his ground and walked forward a step.

“I’m not afraid of you,” Ranmaru declared. His heterochromatic eyes flashed with sincerity. If this was going to end in a fight, Ranmaru would have to take him on. He was ready.

Satsuki froze. His eyes ran all over Ranmaru’s form. Still the older man did not back down. Satsuki breathed out and blinked slowly.

“Calm down, Satsuki,” Ranmaru urged. “You’re too upset to think. Let’s go inside and—”

“They used me, Ranmaru,” Satsuki reaffirmed. He was looking down at he ground. “Just like she did. She…I can’t…she…”

“Stop.” Ranmaru knew that Satsuki was reliving some of the abuse he had suffered in childhood. The boundaries between the personalities were slipping, for the first time. Ranmaru could see the pain radiating throughout his lover’s body. But here was not the place. “Just stop talking. You don’t need to say it—”

“It was all Natsuki’s fault!” Satsuki cried, throwing his head back in rage. “He let her do all those things! He’s weak and now it’s happened again! Natsuki will just keep getting hurt unless I do something—”

Ranmaru ran forward and grabbed Satsuki’s shoulders. “It wasn’t your fault. None of it was your fault.” 

Satsuki grabbed Ranmaru’s shoulders in return. He was holding on as much as he was pulling away. “It was all because of Natsuki…”

“No.” Ranmaru shook his head. “None of it was because of you.” 

Satsuki dropped his head. When he spoke again, he was choking through a sob. “I couldn’t…but I tried…”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Natsuki. It’s alright. I’ve got you now.” Ranmaru wrapped his arms around Satsuki, pulling him in against his chest. He felt the way Satsuki quivered, shaking uncontrollably in his arms. His sobs were muffled as he buried his face in Ranmaru’s clothes. 

They stood like that for a while. No one moved. Ranmaru put his hand on the back of Satsuki’s head, keeping him close. He did not want anyone to see Natsuki like this, so weak. But, here they were. 

Eventually, Satsuki raised his head. He looked calm all of a sudden, like he hadcome to peace with something. “He needs you. Will you…take care of him?” he asked.

Ranmaru smiled and stroked his face. “I already am.”

Satsuki returned the smile and bent down. Saying nothing, he straightened out the frame of the glasses and put them back on his face. 

The switch was more forceful this time than others. Natsuki seemed to fall back into his body. He staggered backward and Ranmaru had to leaned forward to catch him before he fell. 

Natsuki blinked slowly and grabbed Ranmaru’s hand on his shoulder. The blonde’s hand was cold and clammy, still shaking from earlier. The right lens of his glasses was broken and there was a thin line running down the center, giving Natsuki an almost crazed look of his own.

“Ran-chan…” Natsuki said weakly.

“I’m here,” Ranmaru replied.

“I just…I was just so…so scared!” Natsuki face dissolved into tears. “What happened to me just now?”

Ranmaru wrapped him in his arms again. “You’re alright. Everything’s fine, see?” Ranmaru held onto Natsuki’s hands to force them to stop shaking. “You’re going to be okay.”

Natsuki stared at where their hands were connected. After a time he said, “…Alright…”

At this point, Ranmaru was not thinking at all. Every thought that he could have had in that moment was gone, replaced by his concern and love for Natsuki. So, without thinking, he leaned forward and kissed Natsuki. He put some of his soul into that kiss, hoping it would revive his partner.

It worked somewhat. When Ranmaru pulled away, Natsuki was smiling weakly. “Let’s…go inside, Ran-chan…” 

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Wrapping one of Natsuki’s arms around his shoulder, Ranmaru half-carried his lover and turned them to walk back to their dorms.

Which of course meant that they stood face to face with the rest of STARISH and Quartet Night. 

Whoever was not staring at them slack-jawed and wide eyed was covering their mouths in shock and leftover emotion. Haruka had tears in her eyes. 

“That’s…an interesting development…” Ichinose began.

“Indeed,” Masato agreed.

“Wait, you mean…” Syo ran up alongside them. “What, so…the two of you are together? Like…dating?” A slight blush crept up his face as he said the words.

“Yeah we are. For like a year now. Deal with it.” Ranmaru kept walking forward, shouldering Natsuki’s weight.

“We’ll…talk later, okay, Syo-chan?” Natsuki followed up. 

Reiji was too busy staring to say anything. Camus stood next to him crossing his arms. “You know,” the ice prince drawled, clearly annoyed. “A relationship goes against academy rules. Not to mention it is the most foolish thing an idol can do for their career.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ranmaru answered. “Keep talking. Then maybe I’ll tell everyone about your little fuck toy over there.” He gestured with his chin at the person in question. 

Cecil cocked his to one side.

Camus closed his eyes. “Fair enough.”

Suddenly, they heard new voices yelling. Ringo and Hyuga-sensei were running out to the garden, catching up to the group. Hyuga had a cell phone in his hand.

“Guys!” Ringo called. “We’re on the phone with the police. Are you guys alright?”

“Shit,” Ranmaru said, freezing still. He looked around at the group, trying to find someone who could keep their mouths shut about all this. 

He settled on Haruka. Fixing her with a serious stare, he put all of his energy into that look. “Please,” he whispered. Haruka heard him, but she was the only one.

After a moment, the young composer’s face went rigid with purpose. She turned towards their senseis. “It’s alright! Everyone’s fine here. We’re just…tired, that’s all! Kind of exhausted. No need for the police!” 

“Are you absolutely sure?” Hyuga asked. “If you need help…”

“We’re fine, sensei!” Syo called. “You don’t need to call.” 

“Yes, it was all a misunderstanding!” Ren added. 

The rest of the groups joined in, affirming how fine they were and how much they did not need any assistance. Ranmaru and Natsuki looked around. Naturally, they both had never been more appreciative of the bonds they had created with their bandmates.

___________________________________________________________

 

Afterwards, Ranmaru and Natsuki rented a hotel room. It was a place they had been to before. All the care they put into their secrecy seemed silly now. Right away, Natsuki took a shower. Ranmaru washed his face in the sink while his lover showered. Usually, he would not hesitate to join Natsuki in the shower, but right now he knew his lover needed some space. So he hung by in the periphery in case Natsuki needed him.

When he was done, Ranmaru toweled him dry and they went and laid down together on the bed. Natsuki curled himself into the older man and started talking. He explained things. He explained what had happened to him when he was younger, how the company had stolen his song. He explained the fact that he knew he had someone else inside of him, something that came out when he needed help. 

Ranmaru listened. He nodded at appropriate times. He kissed Natsuki and stroked him soothingly where necessary. 

“It’s…” Natsuki said after everything had been spoken. “It’s a little scary. Sometimes I…sometimes I don’t know where I am…” 

With that, Ranmaru gathered him close. “I always know where you are.”

They both knew it was true. And they would work together to keep it that way.

 

 

The end

 

(“…How did your shirt get ripped before?”

“I really don’t know, Ran-chan. …But I bet you liked the way it looked, right?”

“…Hnh.”)

**Author's Note:**

> And so it ends! :') This series means a lot to me. I put a lot of my energy and time into this, all worth it. No regrets! I hope that this series brought you some of the joy it brought me. Thank you for reading!
> 
> Moving forward, I hope you caught that reference to Camus/Cecil. I really love that ship and want to see it sail!
> 
> Ranmaru/Natsuki = Maji love revolution :)


End file.
